Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Fear Not

Fear not! For I bring you good news!

It's a hopeful message. We could use some hope these days. It's getting hard not to fear what may be coming. But for now, I'll enjoy what I have: time with my boys, time with my love, and hope for the future.

Solstice came and went, and we now enjoy a minute or so more of light every day in the Great White North. The boys are here enjoying time with mom. We are mostly spending the time cooking and hibernating. We did make it out to ice skate yesterday. Luckily my boys are low maintenance and easy to please. They appreciate the cooking lessons, and I appreciate their indulgence of such things. 

It's a different kind of season for us. There are no longer toys to wrap, but we still maintain some traditions. There will be the viewing of "A Christmas Story" tonight as well as donuts in the morning. I think, I hope, we've reached the point where the holidays are less about things and more about being together. I'm thankful for the time we have, and hope that the boys are too. 

I've been putting a lot of thought into the future. I have some goals maybe. I've gotten kind of spooked with the idea of goals lately. Fear of failure is very real for me these days. It never was before. Regardless, I still spend a good amount of time visualizing a new life. Knowing I can be happy with less is a real breakthrough that leaves me feeling better about myself and life in general. 

I know I can be ok with a mellow job that pays less, but I'm beginning to entertain the possibility of a professional life again. But this time, if I go, I go in with my ambition in check and entirely different goals.

I'm starting to feel like I'm coming up on a tipping point, but instead of a crazy ride down the other side, I'm hoping for a long mellow coast. Maybe it's not as exciting, but it would allow me to enjoy the view and the feel of a breeze on my face. Contentment beats exhilaration every day. And I'm good with that. I really am. 

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