Summer's End

I've always liked the summers we get in the Bay Area. Growing up summer was always cold overcast mornings that burned off to sunny pleasant afternoons. Even with Global Warming, and drought, I still find NorCal summers to be the best, that is until they come to an end. 

Now, I realize that Fall actually started a coupla weeks ago, but here in the Bay Area we get Indian...er uh Native American Summer. Typically the last weeks of September and first weeks of October are retched.  And I'll admit that we are delicate little flowers here. We don't like heat. We bitch and moan about it as though it's the end of the world. It's not, at least not yet. It's just how our season ends. 

This year, the end of the season means something else to me. It will be my triumphant return to the Great White North to subject myself to what is promising to be an especially brutal winter. Yay Snow! I've been working hard at working enough to save enough money to get me through the winter up there. I'm still without a work visa but looking forward to some time off. 

I know I'm at a crossroad. I've been living a bit of a nomadic life for a number of years now. It took me off a typical track I had been on for a number of years. I feel that it may be time to decide if I want to return to that track, or start a new one. And if I start down a new road, how long will I want to be on it?  

I admit, that my current occupation is not bad. I float, I open beer, pour wine and make the occasional margarita. I work at festivals and get paid to camp with friends. But as I sit here, on a commuter boat, surrounded by people who go to a grown up job every day, I can't help but feel that maybe I should be doing the same. 

Summer's end can mean a lot of things: less time outdoors, cooler weather, sensible clothes. For me it will be a change of venue. I have everything set to return to these gigs in the spring. They don't pay a lot, but that's OK. I don't mind working hard.  But, I have to ask myself
if I'm working smart. It's a tough call.

Old Habits

I did something I haven't done in a while this morning: I listened to NPR. It's an old habit, let me explain.

I use to be a total news junkie. I could tell time by what was on my local affiliate. NPR was a constant companion to me for years, at work, at home, in the car. I enjoyed the constant influx of information. It was somehow comforting, something I could rely on pretty much 100% of the time. It was a perfect distraction.

But then, my life started to change, and I found that the extra noise was no longer necessary. So, I decided to take a break from depressing news of petty politics, third world strife and things entirely out of my control. And when that happened, I realized I was using the news service as a crutch. If I could hear about the problems of others, I could avoid thinking about my own, or at least push them to the back of my mind.

It was a defense mechanism. I needed the distraction to not become overwealmed. And now, I recognize how others in my life distract themselves from problems. Some do it with alcohol, others with drama, and others, myself included use an abundance of scheduling and activities.

I'm glad to be out of the habit of distraction. Part of the reason I was able to break the habit is that I was able to detract a number of stressors from my life. But, it's a process, that I'm learning takes time and patience. I'm continually trying to simplify my life as much as possible. 

This morning I found myself on the sidelines of tragedy, not knowing what to do or how to help. So, my first instinct was to put my distraction in place and let the back of my brain process the loss of a friend and another friend's loss.

Old habits. 

Wannabe No more

I'm doing it. All of it. And it feels great.

What am I talking about? Well, this story starts many years ago, when I bought my first real computer. The internet was new then, and we all had an online alias for email and chat rooms. Mine was Bohemian Wannabe. At that time I was still in the Army, a young mother, and doing the best I could to make it all work. I didn't regret my choices, but I knew I wanted to do more, to travel, and have adventures. 

Life went by, my children grew I acquired education and a career. I did what I thought I should, and much of what I did was good. I volunteered, I dedicated my career to working in nonprofit, I attained goals, both lofty and realistic. At the time, it seemed like I was doing the right things. Again, I don't regret my choices. 

Somewhere in all of that I became a Burner. And then about 5 years back, I started working the event. From that point on, my life began to change. First and formost my kids were growing up fast. Second, when I joined the Gayte Crew, I acquired an unruly disfunctional family of people. Like all families we have our issues, but the comraderie I've found among them, rivals that of which I experienced in the Army. We are thick as thieves, and a loyal bunch. 

So now this is my life. I'm in California for the summer, to spend time with my kids and work as much as I can, raising money to fund the rest of my year and pay down my debt. I'm tantalizingly close to being out of debt. I hope to work at Burning Man for most of the season, about 6 weeks on playa. Come fall, I'll return to Canada for the deep freeze, and next year I'll probably do it all again. Opportunities for new adventures keep falling at my feet, and with some good planning and hard work, I think I'll get to make the most of a lot of them.  

Way back when, when I was the Bohemian Wannabe, I think this is the life I had in mind, and right now I feel lucky as heck to have it. I have good people in my life, and love, and a reasonable hope for good things to come. No need to stop the ride. I don't wanna get off. As for being a wannabe, well some times we have to be careful what we wish for. And other times, it pays to want something more. 

Proletariat Life

Yes, it's an unusual life I lead. I travel a lot. I've done a lot. I've learned not nearly enough.

My latest in Nomadic endeavors brought me back to my home in the San Francisco Bay Area. With the help of ever faithful friends, work quickly materialized for me, and now I'm living a lifestyle that I never would have expected. Skills long ignored are suddenly the core of my occupation as I embrace re-entry to the service world.

I have two regular gigs. The first one is on the Ferry, as a concessionaire. I pour wine, open beer, enthuse tourists, and empathize with commuters. It's not a bad gig. I realize that views I see as part of my routine, represent life long dreams for some who board my vessel. It's not hard work. I like bringing a little relief to commuters and fulfilling expectation for tourists, and the tips aren't bad either.

My second job reaches way back to the very beginning of my work history when I worked for First Street Foods in Benicia. I'm working as a prep cook. Mostly I cut and store a lot of vegetables, but I also make sauces, dressings and marinades. It's good steady work that provides method into my routine. I work with a cast of characters out of an Anthony Bourdain book, but it works for me. I'm comfortable in a kitchen. 

When I get off work I'm often tired and maybe a little sore from being on my feet, but I'm not upset. I don't feel misused, or helpless. I just go home, get ready for another day, and go to bed. I like it. It's simple. 

And yes, I'm not making a ton of money, but I know now that I can do so much more with so much less. I drive less and I buy less, and I feel like I'm living so much more. 

I don't regret years spent pursuing education and a career, but I've gotta say, there's a lot to be said for being a proletariat. 

The Bunny Menace

I admit it. I got tired of it all. I got tired of polishing my resume, constant competition and the overwealming requirement to be awesome and amazing. Everywhere I worked in my career excelled, and I thrilled my employers with great feats. I've been called a force of nature and a miracle worker, but the problem with labels like these is it sets the bar too high at the get go. When going into a new situation with an extraordinary performance level, it tends to leave you know where to go. 

This is what I have learned: I love to work. I love to be efficient, and creative, and innovtive. But, I always wear myself out when I come in too hot, and then my employer is disappointed that that amazing level of high performance I am capable of is not sustainable for 100% of the time. 

It's hard to balance, but at the age and this stage in life I'm finally beginning to understand that slow and steady wins the race. No wonder I dislike rabbits so much.

Occupations

I started a new job today. It's not a fancy job, or one that has a lot of responsibility, but the views are pretty nice.  I've been back in California for a little more than a week and things are moving along at a brisk pace. With the help of friends, I have enough work to keep me busy and fed. It's different work, not professional, and I honestly don't mind a bit.

At present I have three jobs. Just few days after my return, I jumped into the festival season. I work for a small security company that specializes in festival culture. We go, we camp, we check wrist bands, work the gate, and watch for trouble. It's not a bad way to spend the weekend, and often there's good music too.

Today, I started my Ferry gig. Basically, I float about on one of the boats that goes to and fro, working at the concession on board. I open a lot of beer, and serve coffee mostly. It's mellow, the view is nice, I can totally get into it.

And a week from today, I will start my third job, as a prep cook at an east bay restaurant. This job is probably the one I'm most excited about. Though I haven't worked in a kitchen for many years, I know it's a place I'm comfortable, and I trust that I will find my rhythm once I'm there. 

In the Bay Area it's not uncommon for people to start a conversation with, "What do you do?" And often, the answer is something cool, or techie, or creative or awesome.  I don't think I can say any of my current occupations fall into those categories, but I'm OK with that. I'm good with what life is bringing me right now. I'm not exceptionally concerned about my future, because I know that at some point I'll end up in a good place. 

Hell, I'm in a good place right now. I'm getting paid to cruise the San Francisco Bay. It could be worse. 

Lost & Found

Yes, I believe I was lost. Somewhere a few years back, I took a wrong turn, and then another, and another, all the time thinking that I knew where I was going. And I did know, but I was maybe going to the wrong place. 

I've stopped trying to impress people. It's not easy, but it's worthwhile because if people are disappointed with who I am, it's their problem not mine. I've also stopped wanting things! tiny houses and chickens aside.  I've gotten to a point where I can really appreciate the things I do have and welcome the challenge to figure out a work around for the things I don't. 

My future is still rather uncertain. My work visa for Canada is delayed, so I'm back in the Bay Area. I have a bit of work unfolding here, and hen the Burning Man season later this summer. Plus I have a  number of loose ends to tie up, so that's my primary mission while I'm here. 

My first few days back have been good. I'm figuring out what has to be done, one step at a time. Slow and steady wins the race. It's time to be methodical and purposeful. I know that, and that's what I will be.