I had dinner with a friend last week, who I think is doing it right.
We have a lot in common. She, like me, has lived an interesting life. She plays guitar and writes beautiful soulful lyrics, and keeps chickens behind her 1920's Craftman home. Through experience, both good and bad, she has managed to curate a lovely life.
I like having friends like this. They remind me of what I want, and more importantly, that a lovely life is achievable.
I'm approaching some finalities, and I can see that it's time to get off the pot, having sat through varying incarnations of shit. From here on out, my life is mine for the making. I suppose it always has been, but I forgot that it was.
I have to say, I'm very happy to be moving beyond this transition period I've been in. I don't have a very specific future in mind, but I do know I want a lovely life. It's a general direction I'm heading.
So, here I am smack dab in the middle of middle age at the tender age of 44. Like many in my age group, the thought of mortality is beginning to creep into my thoughts. My body is beginning to protest from excessive exertion. And, I'm starting to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life.
For a lot of people, I think, middle age can be about loss and regret. We are losing our youth and commercials don't always make sense to us anymore. We are no longer the target audience. Then, our music is on the oldies or classics station. The term bucket list comes into play.
But for me, I feel like I've wanted to be this age my whole life. I'm glad to be out of the bullshit era of my life. I don't feel like I have to prove myself to anyone. I'm educated enough for my own satisfaction. I've already had a lifetime of adventures, and am looking forward to more. That I've managed to put two amazing kids out into the world, brings me a feeling of great achievement.
Yeah, there are things I still want to do. I know there is more journey out there for me, and not the "Don't Stop Believing" kind. But ironically I won't stop believing that I can contribute to the world in good ways.
In my thoughts about mortality, I went back to an earlier philosophy about the universe. It's a little hokey and cosmic, but bear with me. My theory is that the universe is actually made of pure knowledge. But when the Big Bang occurred all of that knowledge was scattered. Our existence is a journey on a giant spiral that we travel, picking up the knowledge as we go. If we get enough we get closer to the center and our speed on that spiral is based on how much we learn.
Have I learned enough? Of course not. But, I feel like I'm getting along at a good pace. The thing is, I'm not in a hurry anymore. The trick to learning is absorbing as much wisdom as you can from every experience and every process. Taking time to do this is not stagnation. It's merely meticulous.
So, what do I have to show for all my comprised ends thus far? What do I want to have? A life well lived. And that life doesn't have to include a plethora of things to prove my accomplishments. I don't need a new car, or a fancy house. What I need is to continue the journey, and maybe to start telling my stories about what I've learned. If anything, that's what I would want to be remembered for.
There's. A song by a guy named Bobby Joe Ebola with this great chorus,
Life is Excellent
The tap water tastes like excrement
Skies rain poison
But I've gotta pay the rent
Trust me, it's a very catchy tune. The sentiment of the song rings true for me these days. There's a lot of things that really suck in the world right now. People suck with their ignorance and hate filled diatribes. Corporations suck with their greed and total disregard for the public who's money they desire. And, government sucks with their ideologues, duplicity and status quo.
Life is Excellent
the tap water tastes like excrement
Skies rain poison
But I've gotta pay the rent
But, things in my own life aren't that bad. I have this amazing partner who not only gets me, but encourages me to be who I am, even if I have to be that person a couple of thousand miles away from him. Long distance relationships can be hard, but we are both pretty independent people in our own ways. Technology being what it is, we still see each other if not in person, regularly. We work it out.
Life is excellent
The tap water tastes like excrement
skies rain poison
But I've gotta pay the rent
And, even though I left a career I spent years constructing, I'm ok. I have employment, and it's not bad. I'm working my way out of debt. I have some goals for my future, and some hope that they may come true. I can see a path towards balance. You never quite realize how lost you are until you start to find the way back to the person you use to be, the person you're allowed to be, by yourself and your partner.
Life is excellent
The tap water tastes like excrement
Skies rain poison
But I've gotta pay the rent
So, here I am. It's not a perfect life, but what life is? It could be a lot worse. I know because it was a lot worse. But, for now, where I'm at, it's not all that bad. There are challenges ahead, and turmoil, no doubt, but now I'm at least at the point where I can take what I have and make it a happy tune.
